TALK CAN BE REALLY CHEAP.(SPORTS)

Byline: STEVE CAMPBELL

``Hello everyone, I'm Al Michaels. Welcome to the 31st season of Monday Night Football. ABC Sports -- in an effort to recapture the glory days when Howard Cosell, Don Meredith and Frank Gifford sat in the booth -- has assembled an All-Star lineup of announcers.

``Do not adjust your television sets, fans. If our award-winning camera crew can give us a wide-angle shot, you'll see that the man on my right is Rush Limbaugh. Joining me on my left is my other sidekick, Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Welcome, both of you, to the ABC team.''

DR. LAURA: ``I'm my kid's mom, Al. Are you your kids' dad?''

AL: ``Whatever. Tonight, we have quite a matchup for our regular-season opener. On one side -- ''

RUSH: ``I think it bears …